The Sh*t is Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

From Sen. Flavier's book, Parables of the Barrio:

There was a boy in the province who wanted to go to the city to seek his fortune. His parents tried to discourage him from coming. "You are too young," they said. "You can not live without money in the city. Why can't you stay here in the farm and help your father?" But the boy was not dissuaded. He wanted to go to the city. But then his parents were right. So he delayed his journey until he graduated high school. He worked odd jobs and errands and saved 2000 pesos for the journey. At last he said goodbye to his parents, and went on alone.

When he arived at the bus station his bag was stolen. He went to a boarding house and was appalled at the cost of staying. He knew he had to take a job, so he roamed the streets of the city looking for one. He had a hard time trying, for one to be able to land a job in the city one must be at least a college graduate. He often slept on the benches in the park, and ate the cheapest lugaw in carinderias. He learned to pass his stool every morning behind some bushes and to pack it carefully in a newspaper. He had a very hard time indeed.

It was during one morning that he was walking, searching for a trash can to put his excretion away, when he noticed a crowd of people with someone shouting very excited. "This is cheating!" a man on a platform said. "These unscrupulous people sell us their goods on doctored scales, which are not standard and costs us money, which is so dear nowadays." The man was lecturing to the people about the rampant doctoring of weighing scales in the market.

"I have here a standard scale here and I wish to demonstrate to you how it works." He looked around and saw the probinsyano. "Here is a smart-looking boy. Come, iho, let us weigh your package." And grabbing the newspaper, he placed it upon the scale before the boy could say a word.

"Aha! Hindi siya saktong isang kilo." Whereupon the man opened the newspaper and saw the pile of fresh excement. "Tae! So you seek to discredit our group, eh?" All around the boy time happened too fast. There were the mob, the shouting, the police. He then found himself grasping the bars of the nearest jail where he stayed overnight. Fortunately the police were kind. He was eventually released because of his youth and the absurdity of his case. He was given fare for his return to the province.

Back home, he was welcomed by his worried parents. When asked why he returned, he only said, "Ayoko na sa siyudad! Kapag tumae ka at kulang ng isang kilo, kalaboso ang abot mo..."

This bad joke was inspired by me traipsing the streets of Manila this morning carrying my fecal sample in a plastic cup. It was for my pre-employment medical exam. I believe many of people who will read this have experienced carrying their own sh*t to a certain clinic for fecalysis. The clinic needed my sample 2-3 hours fresh, which meant I was to express my load just before I traveled. When I carried mine a while ago, I was paranoid, every now and then sniffing my bag (where I sealed my sh*t in a cup)for signs of a leak. I avoided people in buses, and I imagined flies zeroing on me. I handled my bag gingerly, trying not to crush its precious baggage. I started smelling things that were not there, though I have a cold. Grabe!

And then when I reached the clinic for my medical exam, the receptionist said that their X-rays are out of order. I must go to Congressional Avenue for my medical check-up! My sh*t literally became WASTE!

Out here in the Philippines lies a tradition brought out from the dark ages of history. Today's patron as seen on Catholic calendars, Jesus of Nazarene, was brought out from the Quiapo throne to be paraded through a few streets in Manila highly akin to Jaganatha (a Hindu festival in which a statue of Vishnu is paraded from one shrine to another as it is borne on a great pallet, a temple by its right, indeed the festival by which the word "juggernaut" has come). A day originally meant to distribute blessings, to rekindle old promises, to seek divine boon. A cynic will see here the petty desperation of people oppressed who hope for a better life than what they have at the present. That's what they think.

Today's feast day (AS SEEN ON TV!) was beset with a general picture of today's Filipino as we know ourselves. We are largely Manileños! Yup, we have some from far-flung places as Masbate or Sorsogon but events such as these from Manila are as important, or more so, than Nani Perez's upcoming case in the Ombudsman! Indeed, it is a matter of life and death as plenty of men and women die, injure themselves by countless ways, and typically put themselves in pain all for the sake of wiping a hankie to the icon. Many Filipino people rush to risk of physical danger, if only for the chance to experience the supernatural. Indeed we are desperate.

One can also smell the coming May elections from the TV. Banners, hankies, and sundry items dot the festive air, aside from politicians and other celebrities who flock to publicity. I desire not to talk about them.

One comes curious as to why other nations typically parade their own Nazareno during Lent (appropriate as can be), but I haven't checked their calendars.

Here's a video from a Latin American country. Let's play Spot The Differences.